The improvement I need to make

After so many weeks, I finally opened my paper. Then, I think I have so many things to work on now. Also based on the rubic, I found many flaws from my essay here. My biggest problem is that I miss a bunch of staff. After I read through my partner’s paragraph. He has a really clear thesis statement about what he is going to talk about next, but I think I don’t actually have one. After my introductory background about the situation of the family, I immediately jumped into the themes and the personality of the family. However, I didn’t have a clear sentence that point out my topic. As a result, I should create a clear thesis statement about my essay because thesis statement must have in order to let the audience see the point you are making in the paragraphs. A thesis statement should be short and detailed with all the informations that you are going to say. Personally, I then will have a thesis statement about the annoyance of  Amanda and the endless fighting on the stage, feeling the dreadful and disappointing in the family. Moreover, my paragraph is repetitive as I reviewed it now. Omg, What am I writing about? Sometimes, I feel like I just make that point before, and then I saw it again. As a result, my essay is sometimes unclear and messy because you can see all the flaws right there. In order to fix that, I need to cut my paragraph. By the way that my essay is long and repetitive, so I can fix my essay by cutting it or making the sentences shorter.
In addition, I need to add a title because I didn’t have a title yet. As I know my thesis statement and my overall essay, I can make my title as about Amanda and of course about the fighting in the scenes. In our group, we chose a lot of fighting scenes, so we must include these two as my title. Plus, I don’t have a citation used for quotes in my essay. In order to improve that, I need to go over the entire essay, adding quotes citation in. I actually had missed a lot of things. As a result, in the final paper, I will go through my paper again, looking at my essay in this position. After reviewing the papers, I learn that I should check everything before I turn my paper in. Now, I will try to revise my paper.

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