Revise my draft-perform well

what do you need to revise on your drafts to show more clarity, conviction, commitment, emotion, and overall strengthen your performance? Be specific on what you need to revise and why. 300 words.


My Character in the combining stories is Lili and the night women. These two ladies are the same in most of the condition, but different in their personality. For capturing both, I have to perform both in some ways, yet having more in Lili's section because the main focus or the main storyline is from Lili. When I read the story, I think Lili is a woman who has her own determination, idea. In other words, she is independent and strong. This results in the tragedy of the suicide of Guy. She always forces Guy to do things. As a result, she can act a little forceful as well because she wants to secure the future of Little Guy's. On the other hand, She always suspects Guy or seldom cares about Guy's situation; the only thing in her consideration is Little Guy's future. I think Lili should act even more care about Little Guy because she has nothing left. After her husband left her, her only hope is Little Guy. In order to act more care about Little Guy, I need to get closer to my son in both mentally and physically. In a mental way, I can move closer to Little Guy, patting his back so he won't be scared, frightened. I can also soften my voice toward him so Little Guy can feel a sense of warmth and belonging. I also need more eye contacts with Little Guy to show her caring. When Little Guy looks at me, I will smile at him to make him want to stay with me. Moreover, I will encourage him to do things, including reciting famous quotes, poems, manage his own life. However, when he wants to leave me to work at Sugar Mill, I will become more serious about his decision, not allowing him to do the same thing as his father did. My feeling toward Guy is complex. I think she loves Guy, but she also has some grudge toward Guy. She hates Guy because he just left the family alone, without noticing anyone. Moreover, He tosses her in this world alone. I think at first Lili can't understand Guy's feeling at all, complaining why he left the family, but as she hears his word, she then changes her mind a little bit. In order to act that, I will become really angry at first due to the lack of understanding of Guy's feeling, but the voice can be lower as he explains. I can add some performing as well, revealing Lili's confusion. Maybe I can shake my head to this unacceptable fact, cover my ear, curl up in the corner of the bed, maybe cry a little bit, and frown to show my emotion.  However, as she hears his answer, she can stretch her body out to express the understanding. When they are talking about the future of our son, I can be angrier because I don't want him to control my son, especially he had already died. 

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